Never Gone
by PuMpEd Up KiCkS kId
Summary: Embry has lost his imprint, with her he lost part of himself. Nothing feels right without her around anymore. He starts to see her and hear her voice once again but he just thinks it's cruel games his mind is playing. How will he overcome the biggest struggle of his life and losing his soul mate?
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Embry, If you are reading this I probably haven't made it, I just want you to know I love you, and I want you to remember us, because in life or in death I will never forget us. _

There are exactly three things wrong with today. One being it's a Monday and I'm 17 years old meaning I'm obligated to get up because I'm 'too young to not have energy to get up.' Second being that is a complete lie and I really don't have the energy to do anything, all I really want to do is stay in bed forever. Third and very last you are not here with me nor are you at your own home and I can't imagine the sun just peeking through the blinds and warming your face before your blue eyes opened to greet the day.

You aren't ever going to be here again, because you are completely and utterly gone. You said you'd always be here but I suppose you can't keep every promise. I don't blame you, but since that call last night I haven't done anything, I haven't even cried, I just felt numb and I still do. I just put that phone down on the base but it fell to the floor. I didn't bother to pick it up, I swallowed back all my emotions hiding them deep down in the pit of my stomach because I didn't want anybody to say anything about it for fear I would rip their heads off.

Of course people are talking about you though, the reserve is small and death isn't common with people our age. But I don't want anyone to talk because eventually once the talk dies down people will forget and I don't think anyone should forget you. No one has called, no one has stopped by, my mom has knocked on the my bedroom door a few times but when I don't answer she leaves. The bed has been my sanctuary for 16 hours, I've gotten hungry here and there because you know my appetite is insane but then I think what happened to you and I get a bad taste in my mouth, like the taste of death, and suddenly I'm nauseous not hungry.

I don't think you truly understood how much you meant to me. The moment I saw you and I quite literally mean that instant I imprinted you and our souls were connected together. You noticed me staring and you came over because that's what imprinting does, it draws you near and makes you unable to ignore me. You were new on the reservation, you stuck out like a sore thumb because only your dad was from the tribe originally and you inherited your mom's fair looks. Your blonde curls fell delicately and your fair skin was sprinkled with freckles and your big blue eyes were the color of the ocean. You told me you were from California and I told you that was weird because I was more tan than you and it rains here nearly every day and you laughed and I swear it was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Maybe that's why I feel so numb. You took apart of my soul with you when you left, a part that you didn't even know you had. I remember acting just like a normal boy around you for a long time hiding my true feelings because I couldn't just say flat out that you were the one I wanted to marry and grow old with. I remember when you got another boyfriend and how broken I was about it, it only lasted a month and you came to me crying telling me how he hit you and you left for good. I also remember going after him that night and making sure he would never _ever_ lay his dirty hands on my girl again.

I always considered you mine even when you weren't. I knew deep down you knew I was the right one for you and you just didn't know how to react. So one day out of the blue you decided to kiss me to see what it was like and I kissed you back and you smiled and I smiled and that's where it all truly started. Sometimes it almost seemed like you were scared and hesitant with me like you could do wrong, in my mind you were absolutely perfect and could do no wrong and I could go as slow as you wanted it to.

Now thinking back on that made it hard to breath, like something terrible was weighing down on my chest and no matter how many times I changed my sleeping position it would not go away. I drew a deep labored breath and sat up feeling the coldness of the room against my unnaturally hot skin. My head ached and I felt more exhausted than I have in my life. I tried to get up, I honestly did but I just didn't have it in me. I want to talk to someone but at all the same time I don't because I don't think they could possibly understand what it's like to lose the most important person in your life, a person that when they left they literally took a part of you with them.

What it truly feels like is emptiness. I think I'm still in the shock faze. I feel like you're going to come in here and jump on me like you do every morning that I'm still in bed and beg me to get up so I can go some odd place with you. I would laugh and pick you up because you weighed about as much as a leaf and you would laugh to as I swung you around the room and tossed you back onto the bed that I crawled into too. You would kiss me as I put a protective arm around you and propose we just lay there all day. You would reply with something witty and jump back up and run out of the room and leave me to chase after you.

You would always want me to chase after you and I gladly would because I would do absolutely anything for you. I would've gladly replaced you last night and died if it meant you could live.

I turn back over in bed and shut my eyes. Sleep is where I still see you even if it is just a nightmare, because last night though I only slept for two hours I had a nightmare. Now you will haunt me again, but at least like I said, I will get to see you.

_Lights off, a shot in the dark. We get lost when we're playing a part. We lay blame like we know what's best. It's a shame…._


	2. Chapter 2

**_AN/: I forgot to add this into the last chapter but all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer besides my own character._**

_But also at the same time Embry you can't linger on us. Far as I'm concerned I am now the past and not the present or the future, so I am not something to look forward to._

I got up out of bed today and I think it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. It wasn't just hard because I haven't moved in nearly 36 hours but also because I would have to face the reservation. I had another nightmare last night and this one left me screaming so loud the neighbors woke up, or that's what my mother told me.

She rushed into my room last night and consoled me like I was a small child until I calmed down. She had said the neighbors had knocked on the door to see what was wrong. But I didn't understand how they couldn't know; the look in my mother's eyes told me they did know though. I don't know when I fell back to sleep I just know it was a restless sleep because I woke up exhausted. My mother was still in my room when I woke up, sitting in a chair pulled up to my bed side like I was sick.

Maybe I am sick; maybe it isn't normal to have nightmares that make you scream. She was there all night long thoughm I could tell by the deep bruises under her eyes. I couldn't seriously ask for a better parent but I still didn't want her around, I didn't want anyone around to see what I was starting to become. She looked on at me and frowned in concern, I just shot up from bed throwing a shirt on.

"Look honey I know it hurts but-"She started to say but I wasn't going to have any of that pity bullshit.

"Mom I'm heading out with the boys okay? I'm fine." I told her to cut her off and walked out of the room not even looking at her. I couldn't and I think I hurt her, but then I feel angry because she doesn't even know what hurt is. I march down stairs and completely ignored her calls for me and marched out the door. I wasn't quite sure where I was going but I felt my feet taking me down the familiar trail to Sam's house.

People were staring at me as I went by, I could see the pity in their eyes but I only glared back and that made most of them turn away. I didn't necessarily care if I scared anyone, why was it any of their business to give me a pitying look? I didn't need any pity especially from people I hardly knew. They didn't know me, they didn't know you, they didn't know _us. _ I could feel my fists clench at my sides as I headed down Sam's driveway that pretty much wasn't' even a drive way, more like gravel and it kind of hurt the bottoms of my feet and I didn't even realize until this point that I forgot to put on shoes. I don't know, I've been forgetting a lot lately.

Everyone was there; I could hear them before I had even got to the house. I walk up the steps and through the front door which was always open no matter the circumstance. The smell of cookies lingered in the air and it almost felt like old times besides you weren't in the kitchen with Emily helping. You liked to bake and you were amazing at it, I swear you could've opened your own bakery one day. I didn't say a word, just sort of snuck in and slipped in my regular seat.

Of course Emily came over to me though, she was so kind and caring and then suddenly everyone's eyes on me like I shouldn't be there or something. I'm still apart of this pack aren't I? They hadn't possibly in one day kicked me out right?

"Hi Embry." Emily greeted warmly with a smile, she had the plate of cookies in her arms. Usually I would find this immensely appealing but I couldn't bring myself to even look at them. "Do you want a cookie?"

"No, thanks though." She looked a bit confused and had every right to be, we were always hungry. She was kind about it and let the subject drop before setting the plate down and going back over to the kitchen. I looked up to see almost everyone staring at me. "What? Why are you guys staring at me like I have three heads?"

"It's nothing." Jake brushed off even though I know what they had on their minds. How could I even be here without you? They knew I imprinted on you and they couldn't imagine themselves what it would be like to lose their imprints. Sam almost lost his when he scarred her face, but he didn't and there's a huge gap in between almost and actually losing them, he was upset with himself, I'm upset with myself too but I've lost everything else. I don't think I even know how to smile anymore. "It's just your not- I mean it's just nice to have you back." I wanted to know what he was going to say and contemplated asking about it, but I figure that's only pointless because it's really only going to hurt me in the end anyway.

"Yeah well I just needed some sleep is all." I said even though it was the lamest excuse. They knew exactly what happened to you, I could see it in their eyes. So I looked down because I didn't want to see it anymore, because in the reflection of their eyes I could only see you and I'm so sorry but I don't want to see you right now. It's not that I can't the stand the way you look, it's just that I can't bring myself to look at someone that I know isn't actually there. "Any leaches around?"

"Actually we were going to talk about that today." Sam said firmly. I nodded knowing at least now I had one other purpose than loving you, and that's something I've been holding onto. To be honest I think I would've gone right down with you if I knew I didn't have to help keep the Res safe. I was trying to pay attention but my mind drifted and I started to look out the window.

Then I saw you. I saw you running around outside and laughing and I swear I could hear it. That laugh that made everyone else smile, your eyes lit up like they always did when you smiled. I tried looking away but I could still hear your laughter and it drew me back in. I was completely and utterly mesmerized with the thought of you being just outside that it didn't bother me in the slightest when you walked to the window and started talking to me.

"_C'mon Embry!" _You shouted beckoning me to come outside with you. I almost replied but then I realized how crazy I was being. Your _gone _I couldn't possibly go out there with you because you weren't there and my mind was just playing some cruel, sick joke on me. I turned away from you and it was hard because you were still calling for me and I couldn't escape you.

"So who's going?" Sam finished explaining and I wasn't sure where it was but it was away from the thought of you and your voice and that's all I needed at the moment. I shot up, wanting nothing more than to stop hearing your pleas for me to come and join you because honestly I couldn't take it.

"I will!" I volunteered and everyone looked at me strange. I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked down. "I need fresh air. I've been cooped up for too long." Sam nodded though he knew that's not what I really needed. He pointed to Seth.

"Me, Seth, Embry and Jake are going to scope the area out. Embry, you and Seth take the east me and Jake are taking the west got it?" He asked us, I nodded not really wanting to be stuck with Seth because he tended to get on my nerve but at least if I'm angry I'm feeling something right? Not just emptiness. "Jared, Paul and Quill you stay here and make sure none of the blood suckers are around okay?" I walked out with Seth trailing behind me.

"You alright Embry?" Seth asked and I frowned. This is exactly what I didn't want. I didn't want anybody talking to me about you. They didn't have the right. "I mean after what-"

"I'm fine Seth." I cut him off. I didn't want him even saying your name. I liked Seth, he was like a little brother to me but I honestly couldn't let him speak about you. What I liked about him though is when it involved someone else's feeling he was very understanding, so he understood that I wanted him to shut up. "Now let's go hunt some blood suckers okay?" I gave him a forced smile and he smiled back and then we were off.

The problem with being a wolf was that your thoughts were never safe. If they knew really what I was thinking they would be extremely worried so I just thought of what we were out here doing. Seth and I were walking and sniffing the bushes to see if we could pick up any vampire scent and that's when I saw you again. You were standing right in front of me and let me tell you that no matter who comes along you are absolutely the most beautiful girl I have ever and will ever see. I took a step back not expecting you to just be there in front of me.

"_Embry what's wrong?" _Seth's thoughts intruded my mind. I shook my head and you came forward bopping me on the nose with your fore finger like you always did when I was a wolf.

"_Nothing. I thought I smelt something." _I thought back and focused on you again. You giggled thinking I would chase you but the only real reaction I had was to run. So that's what I did not even bothering to think about Seth and leaving him there by himself. I had to get away from here and fast because your presence was just way too much for me and I don't know why you couldn't see that. I don't know why you were suddenly here.

"_Where are you going?" _Seth questioned me and I could hear him running after me. I blocked him out, and I could see you, standing on the sides of me everywhere I turned almost mocking me.

"_Where are you going Embry?" _ You asked curiously clearly wondering why I didn't want to be around you. You got to understand though I want to be with you so much it hurts and that's exactly why I can't be around you because it brings on a physical pain in my chest. "_Don't you want to be with me? Have I done something?"_ No you've done nothing; you could never do something to upset me.

Then as I breathed I could smell your perfume and that only made me run faster. The scent was too much of a reminder, because that scent was _real, _and all these visions of you are fake. My vision was blurring around the edges because I was only focused ahead of me. I was only focused on getting away from here. I closed my eyes so I could no longer see you.

The next thing I knew my head hit something extremely hard that I launched backwards into the dirt turning back into my human form. I quickly pulled shorts on before Seth could find me. You weren't here anymore which was a good thing. But, maybe you were never here to begin with and the whole thought completely confuses me. I clenched my fists besides me and kicked the tree in front of me that I had hit with my head I think by the dent in the trunk.

"God dammit!" I yelled, I didn't want to see you. Not like this. I felt dizzy and disoriented and I think I needed to sit down but I wasn't sure.

"Embry! What the hell?" I heard Seth yell from behind me, so he was back to a human again too. I turned around to face him and he looked concerned. "E-Embry you're bleeding. It's pretty bad." He jogs over to me. I'm bleeding?

I reach up to my forehead and can feel the warm stickiness that Seth Is referring to. I drew back my hand and stare at the crimson liquid. It reminds me of what happened to you and I can't help but double over and vomit whatever could possibly in my stomach after 36 hours of not eating. I can't stand that thought any more than I can stand seeing you. Seth isn't the only one in the clearing anymore, but Jake and Sam are there too probably noticing how they couldn't hear Seth and I in their thoughts anymore.

"What the hell happened? Is he okay?" Jacob questioned Seth. But Seth was just as confused as he was; I got sick again clutching a hand to my pained abdomen. Sam was walking over to me as I spit one last time and stood up, I could hardly see straight though. I couldn't explain the feeling exactly but I felt very disconnected, like I wasn't actually in my body at all.

"Embry? What happened to you?" He asked seriously cupping a hand on my shoulder. His skin felt almost cold against mine which wasn't right. We were wolves my temperature was a 108 degrees regularly and for his skin to feel cold wasn't normal. I looked at his hand slowly not quite understanding why he was touching me. "Embry listen to me!" He shook me slightly and I could not find it in me to understand why.

"I don't…" I trailed off. Then I see you. You're behind him making faces at the back of his head. You loved to get Sam worked up and Paul too; you thought it was the funniest thing. The thing is they actually _let_ you too, I don't know what it was about you but people never seemed to really care what you did. Plus everyone knew I would kill them if they ever misplaced a hair on your head. I almost want to laugh at your actions but I hold it back because for some reason that seems wrong.

"Embry? Listen to me! What happened?" Sam's voice draws me back to reality. I cock an eyebrow at him, why was he so curious as to what happened? _What did happen? Was I going crazy? _Sam turned to Seth and Jacob who looked serious. "Seth what the hell happened? This is important."

"I-I don't know. He ran away from me. I followed him and when I came here his head was bleeding and he wasn't a wolf anymore. He's been acting weird since." Seth answered completely confused as to what was happening. I kind of want to lie down and sleep but something tells me that isn't a good idea. Sam nodded at Seth's words and looked back at me checking my forehead.

"It's not healing that quickly either." He sighed. "It's a concussion I'm almost a positive." I saw you again and you were running away into the forest I was just so confused on what was going on. Why were you running away from me? Couldn't you see I was in no condition to chase after you? I took a step forward to try to follow you but stumbled, my feet tangling over each other. Sam steadied me, I blinked hard but you were gone. Though as soon as I took in another breath the intoxicating aroma of your perfume surrounded me. My knees buckled and the world I knew suddenly fell into black.

_We break when we fall too hard, lose faith when we're torn apart. Don't say you're too far gone. It's a shame, it's a shame…_

**_An/: Leave a review please if you can?_**


	3. Chapter 3

**_AN/: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, besides my own. _**

_I'm so sorry Embry, was that too harsh? I don't want to hurt you anymore than I probably am._

I woke up with a gasp launching into a sitting position, my body was doused in a sheen of sweat and I could not even explain the pain shooting through my head. I thought I was a werewolf, I thought I wasn't supposed to get sick? My chest felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, maybe it did, I don't really know what's normal anymore.

"You're awake." I turned to see Jake and Sam with the same concerned looks as before. That was when I first realized I wasn't even in my own home, I wasn't even in my own bed, I was lying on Sam's couch in the comfort of their den with absolutely every window open allowing the night breeze to drift in. I raised an eyebrow not quite understanding, I mean it was October and it must've been 40 degrees out, though it was extremely hot in here or was that me? As if reading my mind Sam nodded, "You had a fever, it broke just a little while ago, but you've been getting sick all day."

"I have?" I asked confused, I don't remember anything at all and I'm slightly worried by that. I dropped my head into my hands and rubbed my temple's furiously as another stabbing pain rattled inside my skull. There was a bandage wrapped around my head and I wasn't completely sure why. "Oh god my head feels like it's about to explode."

"That's what we're curious about. What happened to you out there Em?" Jake asked, I looked at him then back down at the blanket lying over my legs. I wracked my brains for any idea and I remembered seeing you but I couldn't out right say that. "Embry? C'mon."

"I-I don't remember." I stuttered because truly I didn't actually know. I mean I did know what basically happened but I don't know why you were there. I looked back up at them and squinted not really enjoying my mind being so fuzzy. "I was running and I don't know I blacked out and now I'm here and you guys are telling me I'm sick and my head hurts like a bitch and it's so unbearably hot in here I want to go take a plunge in the Arctic Circle."

"You mean you don't remember anything?" Sam questioned me; I shook my head, I kind of wish you were here because that would make me feel so much better. You were normal, I wasn't normal, Jake and Sam weren't normal, this world wasn't normal but you, you were completely and utterly normal coming from a middle class family from the suburbs with one brother and two loving parents and your normalness was what made you so _perfect. _"You should've said something about being sick."

"I didn't feel sick! Plus how many of us actually do get sick?" I questioned standing up from the couch rather defensive. I didn't want anybody digging into the topic of me because then they'd start to realize how undoubtedly broken I am without you. Black dots covered my vision but I didn't mention because frankly they didn't need to know my lack of sight. Once they didn't say anything because they knew I was right I just wearily nodded, "Exactly."

I began to walk to the door because I wanted to leave in a huff. Maybe they'd leave me alone then, it's not like I really wanted to come here anyways it's just I didn't want my mom talking about you. The probably rational thing would've been to ignore her, but I honestly don't think I could've ignored her if I tried. I mean she would be talking about you and the thought just seems so unbelievably unbearable that I couldn't even begin to describe it.

Black dots still covered my vision and to be completely honest I could hardly see a thing, I wanted to put my arms out to feel for something but they would figure out. I squinted and saw a block of light for a split second that must've been the door way out. I walked towards it quickly just wanting so badly to get out of here, my forehead whacked against the door frame and the sharp pain rushed through my forehead again making me step back.

"Embry you ran into a wall, I think you should stay here." Jake said firmly and I found myself shaking my head. Couldn't they see I didn't want to be here, that I could hardly breathe here, that I was obviously fucked up? I shook my head again trying to rid myself of the thought. I'm not fucked up.

_You're fucked over without her though, _my mind screamed and I shut my eyes tightly trying to suppress all thoughts of you. I opened my eyes again and looked Jake straight in the eyes and shook my head for a third time.

"No." I said simply and I can't remember a time I sounded so serious yet so distant. This wasn't me, well it was, but it wasn't the regular me, it was a strange and broken me, one that I didn't want but refused to leave. Sam stepped forward a bit his dark eyes staring at me.

"Embry we weren't asking you." He said firmly, I wanted to look away but it was too late by this time. He was alpha of the pack; I _had _to listen to him. I couldn't travel as a lone wolf, though at this point that idea sounds much more appealing than it used too. I sighed knowing they only wanted to help me but see the thing is I didn't want their help. I'd rather be stuck numb and grief stricken over you than receive help from them. Which to think about it is a rather disturbing thought. I'd rather think about a dead girl than let my friends help me while I'm sick? What kind of sick fuck was I turning into?

"Well I can't fucking see at all so." I snapped not really planning my words out. I had said something I didn't want to reveal. I mean I could see the general shapes of things, I could see them, but they were blurry and parts of my vision were completely covered in darkness. I held out my hands feeling for the table and then the couch and I knew they were watching me, every move I made, every breath I took, I ignored them though and figured myself onto the couch.

"You have a concussion Embry; obviously you're fucked over just a bit." Sam stated. That explained things a lot more, but honestly he didn't even know the meaning of the words fucked over in my situation and I kind of wanted to tell him to shut his trap but I couldn't before I heard the door open. I looked to see Jared and Quil standing there. "How's patrolling? Have you found the leech?"

"We caught a scent but it ended going into the other bloodsucker's territory." Quil answered and looked over at me like it was a surprise I was breathing or something. "You're awake."

"Yeah I am." I replied turning away from him not really in the mood for small talk. The air in the room was tense and I had to fight the urge to make some wise ass remark about it.

"Can you guys come speak with me in the other room?" Sam asked nodding his head towards the door to their dining room that was seldom used. I watched as they walked into the other room. I wasn't planning on listening at first but then I heard my name.

"_Embry's lost I can tell." _I heard Jake say. How the hell would he know? He doesn't have a clue to what it's like to lose someone so important to you. If he could even begin to feel the constant ache in my chest or the numbness that has taken over my bones maybe he'd understand. But he can't so my argument lies that he doesn't have one clue what he's talking about.

"_Jake he was screaming bloody murder the whole time he was unconscious and threw up and he can't remember that? Obviously there's something messed up with him." _Jared added in. I swallowed, so they heard and witnessed me having a nightmare. I didn't even remember the nightmares until now and by the signs of it they were getting worse.

"_But he looks so tired, and he hasn't eaten in days according to his mother." _Quil confirmed. So they went to my mother about this? Why couldn't they butt out of my god damn life? They don't need to be added to the accumulating train wreck. "_Do you think it's because of her?" _I took a sharp breath.

"_Obviously Quil. Embry and her were inseparable. That was his imprint that died Sunday night not just a girlfriend." _ I had enough of this bullshit. They were talking about you and I like I wasn't 5 feet away in the den, lying on the couch in complete pain.

"Fuck this." I muttered under my breath walking out of the house swiftly before the black dots could return and slamming the door behind me as I went. I don't know where I was even headed. Where could I go? You were suddenly at my side, your much smaller strides matching up to mine perfectly like they always did. Your laughter made my head feel better and I could actually feel my lips twitch slightly at the sides in a reminiscent smile, but then it was gone again as I remembered that it wasn't really you. "Fuck them."

"_Is Embry mad?" _You questioned, teasing me like you always did when I was angry. You knew that if you were persistent I would loosen up and start laughing again. I didn't reply because I didn't want to seem as crazy as I actually was. You pouted, "_Mr. Pouty Pants what's the matter?"_

I huffed allowing my feet to do the walking. Like the path to Sam's I had walked this one many times before as well. The beach, that's where you and I used to hang out the most. You said it reminded you of home even though the water wasn't nearly as warm as in California or the sand nearly as soft. You still went diving into the waves anyways and I'd always have to give you my hoodie afterwards because you'd be shivering. I'd give you my hoodie anyways just to cover up; no one was going to look at my girl in just her bikini. You were still standing besides me as I plopped down into the sand.

"_I love the beach!" _ You squealed. I nodded with a sigh looking up at you as you began to strip down to your undergarments.

"I know." I whispered looking out to the waves and bringing my knees up to set my elbows on. "Go ahead go swim." You laughed in response and it carried along the wind and I just had the innermost longing to hear that laugh in real life instead of some ghostly echo. I watched as you ran down into the ocean and dove into the waves.

But you didn't resurface and it was almost relieving. I wasn't completely insane yet, you weren't everywhere I went. You just decided to show up at the worst times and only make me feel more psychotic and emptier.

"Where did you go?" I found myself asking out loud before burying my head between my knees. This was the first time I actually felt something. Something so painful I could hardly stand it, and I couldn't push it down to the bottom of my stomach either.

Grieving.

_I'm still standing here, no I didn't disappear. Now the lights are on, see I was never gone. I let go of your hand to help you understand. With you all along oh, I was never gone._

**_AN/: I'm sorry for all the cussing but in my view teenage boys swear... a lot. Anyways hope you liked it and if you could leave a review that would be great! :)_**


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